True but thats because hes a fetus.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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