Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
