i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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