No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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