remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
