what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
