He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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