Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
