How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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