alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
