god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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