Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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