"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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