found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
