When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
