if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
