i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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