if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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