Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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