i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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