It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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