Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
