when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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