DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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