So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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