I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i think my cat just said my name.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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