You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
