dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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