We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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