we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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