just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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