I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
