I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
