It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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