Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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