Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
