What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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