This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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