u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
