who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
