did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
