shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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