I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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