He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
