She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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