He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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