If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
