Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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