Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
