well you can't waste a boner
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
