I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
