I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
