I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
