my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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