I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
